I’m aware I haven’t written in a while - in all honesty there’s no excuse for it as ive just been procrastinating for almost of the year, which in itself is one of the big issues as to why I’ve felt this level of “stuckness” within life for the past few months as over the summer, and then the festive periods of Navratri and Diwali, I’ve been feeling pretty shit about myself as I compare myself to others around me. All my friends I grew up with are now married, with kids, settled jobs, even second homes etc, whereas I was still where I was this time last year - stuck with my parents, living out of my room, escaping and living in my car for a break and lacking any consistency within any of my goals for various parts of my life.
I met this girl over the summer - I’ll write about her some other time, but suffice to say, she gave me this spark back that I had t felt since my ex-fiance. Over time we’ve talked, exchanged stories and emotions, but also argued and fallen out. That’s how we currently stand due to my decision to end it. I’m still in that dichotomy of wanting it to work out vs the reality of it all. But as I said, more on her later.
But suffice to say, my interactions caused me to really evaluate my life. I’ve now got a new manager who I actually really adore as she’s receptive to my needs (both professional and personal), she’s not looking to “fix” me like my old boss did and she tries to help out/work with solutions with for my work.
One of my old colleagues had an interview with another department recently and we spoke about his options (as I had a similar talk this time last year before I went on sick leave due to stress). We both agreed that our old boss was tough, derailed and liked to micro-manage. But if you could work for her, you could work for anyone. I admitted to him that the other guy I’m working with is slow, makes a lot of mistakes and doesn’t always do what he agreed to, which means I then have to go over additional work, or do things we didn’t agree to. It’s frustrating, but the reporting manager knows what’s happening and acknowledges where things stand.
But big news lately is, to help me manage this dissatisfaction and self-loathing I’m feeling due to this girl, life and some historical stuff, I took this free Facebook training seminar known as “Habits For Happiness” which I found quite interesting and I started to apply some of these key concepts and found them helpful. At the end of the free course, there’s the expected “if you enjoy this, you can continue this growth and momentum by siding up to my full annual course at a cost of $400” which initially I didn’t do.
But after reflection and doing s little more research, I paid for it and signed up. I’ve just watched the introduction videos, signed up for the Facebook group page (where everyone is very welcoming) and I’ve found the classes to be really interesting and challenging (in a good way that therapy isn’t providing at the moment for me).
I’m currently embedding gratitude in the morning and evening, alongside visualisation of my day so that I have reference points to fall back on when something doesn’t got o plan, plus started with mindfulness again using the Headspace app.
